Meryl Hartstein, Survivor & Speaker

Happy New Year!

What do we want our New Year to look like? Some of us are looking for prosperity and better job opportunities. Some are looking for new relationships and getting out of old ones.  The freshness of a New Year brings so many possibilities. There will be new diets and quitting bad habits. The start of new hobbies and finding causes. Promising new attitudes and appreciation of all possessions. Acquiring friendships and more social awareness. All of these are wonderful, but acceptance of oneself has to be number one on the list this year. Look at all you have accomplished in your life. Learn to be proud. Yes, the New Year is a time for change, an opportunity to continue growing and learning. Empower yourself with the knowledge that you will need to make your life as good as it can be. Face everyday with confidence, there isn't anything that you can't do if you put your mind to it.

Confidence, Confidence, Confidence

I love being confident. It has nothing to do with conceit. To me, it means that I have self worth. It is something that I had to learn. I wasn't always confident, just the opposite. I was taught as a child that being pretty was the most important thing in the world. With that information, I felt that it was my duty, my sole purpose to make myself as pretty as I could. That without it, I would be nothing. Being smart, was not important and heaven knows, having a purpose was stupid. Constantly worrying about how people see you can be exhausting and overwhelming. My insecurities kept me from everything. I didn't know how to enjoy myself. My obsession with a pocket mirror gave people the wrong idea, it wasn't a pleasant sight that I was looking for, it was this overwhelming fear that there might be something wrong, out of place, that someone might see.

Then one day, I decided that there has to be more to me than this. I discovered where my insecurities and low self esteem came from. I didn't want to be like that anymore. I knew that I had plenty more to offer. I was smart and I was good at what I did. I made people feel good about themselves so why couldn't I be one of those people? I know that having confidence has made all the difference in the world for me. Without it, I wouldn't have been able to survive the many obstacles that I have had in my life. I'm happy with the woman I am today. I'm very proud of my accomplishments and I have found my self worth.

Confidence, Confidence, Confidence

I love being confident. It has nothing to do with conceit. To me, it means that I have self worth. It is something that I had to learn. I wasn't always confident, just the opposite. I was taught as a child that being pretty was the most important thing in the world. With that information, I felt that it was my duty, my sole purpose to make myself as pretty as I could. That without it, I would be nothing. Being smart, was not important and heaven knows, having a purpose was stupid. Constantly worrying about how people see you can be exhausting and overwhelming. My insecurities kept me from everything. I didn't know how to enjoy myself. My obsession with a pocket mirror gave people the wrong idea, it wasn't a pleasant sight that I was looking for, it was this overwhelming fear that there might be something wrong, out of place, that someone might see.

Then one day, I decided that there has to be more to me than this. I discovered where my insecurities and low self esteem came from. I didn't want to be like that anymore. I knew that I had plenty more to offer. I was smart and I was good at what I did. I made people feel good about themselves so why couldn't I be one of those people? I know that having confidence has made all the difference in the world for me. Without it, I wouldn't have been able to survive the many obstacles that I have had in my life. I'm happy with the woman I am today. I'm very proud of my accomplishments and I have found my self worth.

Do We Ever Stop Dreaming?

When I was a little girl, I would fantasize what my life would be like. My day dreams were very detailed. I would visualize the clothing that I would wear on the specific days of my fantasy down to the littlest details. I would notice the weather, the smell in the air, the sounds around me. I was a very busy dreamer. I wanted to marry a prince. I wanted to live in a huge house that resembled a doll house down to all the gingerbread trimmings on the front porch. I wanted to have the prettiest daughters dressed in the frilliest dresses. Their hair would be long and flowing. I would dress like the women in Vogue Magazine with dangling gold charm bracelets and high heel patent leather shoes and carry small handbags that I could wear on my wrist while I went shopping in small shops in a glamorous city. I would be admired and found interesting but I would still hold an air of mystery about myself just for the fun of it. I knew exactly what I wanted and who I wanted to be.

Somewhere in between time and space things changed.

My focus changed and in turn my dreams got put on hold. Many years have passed since those dreams. I had the house, the daughters and the charm bracelet. I also aquired the bonus that came along with it. The bonus of stress, cancer, illness, a drug addicted child and a special needs baby grandchild. I wish I would have included these in my fantasies so that I wouldn't have been crushed beyond my little girl's dreams. All in not perfect, it's not supposeed to be that way. As they say, nothing is perfect. Instead of this fantasy life, I have a life of appreciation, of gratitude and humbleness. My children are strong women, my grandbaby is thriving. Do I still long for a gold charm bracelet, you bet, everytime I look in a Tiffany's catalogue!

Fears

It used to be that I was afraid of getting wrinkles. I would also fear not having the latest and greatest handbag. How could I manage without the best material things and without looking my absolute best? My fears have changed their priorities. My fear now is the clock. I have so many things to achieve in this lifetime that I worry about how am I going to squeeze it all in.

 

As the years are starting to go by my quickly, I find that I want to do more and more with them. I wonder is this normal? Do we ever find a place in time where we are content to just be? I think more than anything, I want to make a difference. I want to matter. I want to be remembered. Wouldn't it be great if we had these wants when we are in our teens? We could be so much more usefull instead of so self indulgent. What is in the past, stays there, now is the time to work on what we can to make changes and to make a lasting footprint on this earth. I have started by giving my time and attention to helping other people every chance I get. I have met the most incredible people along the way. I truly believe that good attracts good in return. Do I still have fears about things that are unimportant in the grand scheme of life? Of course! Do I have the time now to stress over them? Not anymore!

Once a Crisis is Over

Once the dust starts to settle on life again after a crisis you start to notice that the rhythm of life takes on a new beat. You wake up, go about your day but realize that something is very different. There’s almost an echo in your head, a constant reminder that things aren’t normal. They might look normal to you and to others, but there is that gut feeling that they are not. You feel that your nerves are raw. You are more sensitive to lights and sounds.

I remember how strange everything felt to me when my daughter came home from rehab. I wanted everything to go back to the way it was before. We had a bond like no other. To look at her you would feel sunshine coming out of her. She was and still is the most caring person I have ever known. It’s important that I keep in the front of my mine that I am grateful to just have her home and alive. There are days that I wanted to blame her for all the pain she caused all of us. I wanted her to feel the betrayal that I had felt from her, I just wanted her to feel pain. Then in the midst of my own pitty party, I realized that she had felt more pain than any of us. She had felt the pain of almost losing her baby, the pain of disappointing everyone who loves her and most of all the pain of her loss of self respect and love for herself. Then my pain began to soften into empathy for my child. I felt my anger leave me and the healing inside of me began. I know I loved her more than anything in the world and I had to forgive her. For the pain was now hers to deal with and for her to be able to work hard on herself to keep herself clean. The days are getting better and brighter, gone is my anger and resentment. I still shake my head in disbelief that all this actually happened. We live now in the present. We don’t look back and we don’t project tomorrow. We are just grateful for today.

 

www.merylhartstein.com

 

A Purpose

Our soul and our spirit is connected on some level. In my opinion, the soul of a person reflects their personality and their identity. While their spirit is what connects then to their higher power. Either way, both need to be nurtured in order to live a life of meaning. For me, finding gratitude was the lock that opened my door spiritually. Once I let go of the why me attitude, I was able to make peace with myself and count my lucky stars for all that I did have and all that I would have in the future. No longer did I feel sorry for myself. I felt that I had so much more. I wanted to pass it forward. I knew I could connect with other people on so many levels. It was my time to spread the word that there is hope after adversity. I finally had my purpose.

 

Don't Ever Tell!

My parent's kept secrets. "Don't ever tell anyone what goes on within these four walls" were the words I grew up hearing. They were creative liars. They were master manipulators. I saw the truth from a very early age. It probably would have been beneficial for me if I didn't. When you are a child growing, you're parents are your role models. For me, I felt the most comfortable living a life of lies like they did. When I grew up, I had to still live my life in the same way due to the fact that I never knew anything different. When my life began to unravel, I accumulated enough secrets that the "four walls" of my world were crumbling. I needed to tell. As loud as I could, I began telling my story. Yes, my first husband was a drunk. I had survived cervical cancer. That's right, my darling daughter was a drug addict. I can proudly say that my grand-baby has special needs. How liberating it is to tell, to share to inspire others that are going thru similar adversities. If we could all unmask our secrets, they would no longer shame us. They would only be additional life lessons that make us who we are.

Parents as Seen thru Little Eyes

When we grow up, we must learn that our parents are just people. They hold no magical powers. They think and feel the same as us. It’s a hard concept for children to see their parent, their first and most important role model as mortal. They think that they are larger than life. They see their parents as all knowing and powerful decision makers. Once children see that their parents are capable of making mistakes, they actually feel safer in knowing that it’s alright for them to make mistakes too and that they too will overcome them.    

 

Five Positives After Adversity

•    An increased appreciation of life:  You have to start with being aware of all the positive things in your life and be grateful for each and every one of them. Make a list or journal. If you can find at least three things each day to be thankful for, you are doing great.

•    Greater feelings of compassion and empathy for others: Imagine yourself in other people’s situations. This will give you an idea what they are feeling. Give of yourself and your time to help by giving back your own knowledge.

•    Closer relationships with family members: Your family is your greatest support system. You share the same history. Invite them over and spend time with them and you might be surprised how similar they are to you.

  •    Stronger spiritual beliefs: We all know that in times of adversity, we look for spiritual support. It’s important to keep that feeling going. Sometimes adversity can bring us to a stronger belief than before. When you think of what could have been, and what you have survived, you can then realize that you were not alone during your journey. This realization helps for you to examine what spirituality you might already have and what more there is to learn about it.

 •    Greater sense of life meaning: The one beautiful thing that can come out of surviving adversity is that you will appreciate life. The meaning of life becomes clearer. For some, you will find it in family or in your career. For others it can be just feeling the sunshine on your face and smelling the ocean. It’s a personal adventure with a rewarding finish.

 

 

 

 

Living life to the fullest

Living life to the fullest doesn't mean you're wasting your life doing crazy things and just carelessly doing your own thing, It's a life style based on feeling blessed and grateful for what you have. It's fulfilling your dreams and passions by doing things that you never thought were possible. Take charge of your life and don't live it passively. Experience new things and people.